Kids' birthday party etiquette for parents: invites, RSVPs, gifts and pickup

Invitations

• Send invites about two to three weeks ahead; a little more for busy seasons or a venue with a headcount deadline.
• Include the start and end time, the address (or that it's in the RSVP link), whether it's drop-off, and an RSVP date.
• Say whether siblings are welcome. Silence usually reads as "no", but saying it is kinder.
• Invite privately if you're not inviting the whole class. More on that

RSVPs

For guests: reply by the date, yes or no. A "no" is just as helpful as a "yes". If plans change, tell the host as early as you can.

For hosts: a friendly reminder a few days before the RSVP date is completely normal. So is assuming non-replies aren't coming, but a quick message is kinder. Personal RSVP links make this easier: you see who has replied without a group thread.

Gifts

• Bring a gift unless the invite says otherwise. Many families set a comfortable amount with friends; spending more doesn't make a better gift.
• "No gifts, please" means no gifts. A card is a nice touch.
• Book swaps, donations and "fiver parties" (guests bring a small amount toward one bigger present) are all fine to suggest on the invite; keep the wording light.
• Include a gift receipt if you can.

Opening presents

There's no rule. Many families now open gifts after the party, which saves time and spares anyone's feelings about bigger or smaller gifts. If you open them at the party, keep it short, have a helper note who gave what, and coach the birthday kid to say thank you to each friend.

At the party

• Arrive on time and stay with your child at the door until the host greets them.
• If it's not drop-off, help a little: refill a drink, hold a door, keep an eye on your own kid.
• Photos: ask before posting pictures of other people's children.
• Pick up on time. Drop-off etiquette

After the party

Send thank-you notes or messages within a couple of weeks. For younger kids, a drawing or a photo of them with the gift is perfect; older kids can write a line or two themselves. Guests: a quick "thanks for having us" text is always appreciated.

Frequently asked questions